To my firstborn

H and K

To my dearest Harper,

While I’m sorry that the era of just you and me is coming to a close, I’m going to stop every once in a while to remember this precious and beautiful time we have shared together. I will be forever grateful that you were the one who taught me how to be a mom. You, with your sweet but sassy demeanor, your enthusiastic and goofy nature, and your compassionate, empathetic and loving heart. You have showed me what the true meaning of loving someone unconditionally is and feels like.  And for that, I dedicate my very first blog post to you.  And yes, I know that you can’t read yet and I am sure if I told you that I dedicated something like this to you, you would expect something else.  Something more like a treat.

Until your baby sisters eardrums are fully developed, I am going to miss our loud and crazy singalongs during every car ride we take. I love nothing more than our jam sessions and that you love all types of music. Except country. Because honestly, who likes country? Your uncanny ability to memorize a tune and words within seconds after hearing a song only once and remember them the very next time you hear the song is impressive. Sadly, for me, having that same skill never translated over to perhaps memorizing hard algebra or calculus equations. So, hopefully, that will be different for you and it can work more in your favor.

These last few weeks it has really hit home that we are no longer going to be a family of three and very quickly will be a family of four. With your hugs lasting longer, your grips getting tighter, and you wanting to hold my hand and just be close by my side, hurts my heart. It really has just been you and me for such a long time and we both don’t know any other way. But what I do know is that you were my first and that will never change. I will never forget the moment that I heard your first cry and when you were placed on my chest for the first time.  It was an instant bond. A bond that no one can explain and only moms truly understand.  And it was in that instant where my life changed forever.

What an amazing big sister you’re going to be. Your little sister is going to be thrilled when she finds out that you’re the one she gets to look up to. She may not enjoy that you told me tonight you “didn’t want to be a family of four because that’s a lot of people and you only want three.” I’d be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I’m nervous too. For many of the same reasons you are and for many that due to your age, you won’t understand. What I do know is that together as a team, we can face and overcome any obstacle. Why? Because we are strong, confident, bad-asses. You can count on your dad and I also raising your little sister how we raised you; strong, confident, and one hell of a bad-ass.

Harper, thank you for making me a mom.  It has been a hard and rewarding journey but I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  And while we continue on this journey and add a new member to our crazy and silly family I want you to always remember one thing;  you will always be my first.


4 thoughts on “To my firstborn

  1. That gave me chills! You’re so right about the first born but I promise there will be a new connection only you and your second have! You’re a great mom!

    Liked by 1 person

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